FROM THE JULY/AUGUST 2015 PURDUE ALUMNUS MAGAZINE
I travel often to cheer on the Boilers. Sometimes I get stuck in the airport security line for having packed something I shouldn’t have. How do you get through with the hammer? Any tips?
A. When it comes to travel, I live by two mantras. 1. Pack light. 2. Never leave home without your hammer. Luckily, there are times when the team travels by private jet and I am spared the rigmarole of the airport security check. But when plane capacity is tight, who do you suppose is first to get bumped to coach on a commuter discount carrier? Good ol’ Pete. Over the past few decades, I have accumulated more frequent flier miles than I care to count. One thing I learned early on was just how much airport security officials dislike travelers who set off the metal detectors. Hence the hammer goes in checked luggage. No question. If the thought of lost suitcases fills your heart with dread, you are not alone. I pity the tarmac worker who misplaces that bag. Once the hammer is safely stowed, the rest of the packing list is a breeze. Save space by bringing items you can mix and match. I find that black and white jerseys coordinate with just about everything. I throw all of my essentials (silk pajamas, neti pot, breath mints for my seatmate, and a good book) into my carry-on to ensure an enjoyable flight. Having enough head clearance for my mega noggin aboard the plane is a whole other problem.
Do you ever get jealous that the train is the official mascot?
A. Have you ever heard the saying it’s more fun to be official? Neither have I, so the unofficial status has never bothered me. The train — or, if we are to be perfectly political about it, the Boilermaker Special — and I go back a long way and share a lot in common. Both of us first made an appearance in 1940, both serve as an emissary of the Old Gold and Black, both have been known to frighten young fans (The Special with its ear-splittingly loud horn and I with my, um, face), and both have undergone a makeover or two, sometimes to harrowing results. But I digress. As essayist and diplomat Washington Irving said, “There is never jealousy where there is not strong regard.” Be assured, dear reader, that I hold The Special in the highest of regard. But frankly, what is there to be jealous of? I enjoy the full run of Ross-Ade Stadium. The Special is relegated to the sidelines while its Xtra sidekick has all the fun. I spend winter evenings rousing the bleachers in Mackey Arena while The Special sits alone in its cold, dark garage. And I do not envy The Special its road trips. While the Reamers were piloting The Special on a 30-hour cross-country drive to Pasadena for the 2001 Rose Bowl, I spent the majority of that time relaxing poolside in the California sunshine. Each of us may have a place in school history and in fans’ hearts, but there’s no disputing which one pulls more weight. I have enough sense about me to know that if I ever encounter The Special’s six-ton chassis barreling my direction, I’d best jump out of the way.
Is it ever okay to cry when we lose? I mean, it is apparently okay for opposing players to cry for getting a Flagrant-2 T against us in round two of the NCAA basketball tourney. I felt so deflated after that game I wanted to cry.
A. Everyone knows there’s no crying in baseball. That adage presumably extends to football and basketball as well. Those times you think you’ve detected a moistening of my peepers? Those weren’t tears, I just had dust in my eyes. The mere mention of the Boilers’ NCAA tournament performance brings on a roller coaster of emotions. Nothing heightens one’s anxiety like a nail-biting overtime. And the thrill of receiving an invitation to The Big Dance earlier in the week was quickly dashed by that one-and done appearance. Even the heartiest of chaps would be brought to his knees by such a narrow defeat. Take it from me, being the strong, stoic one all the time can take its toll. A good cry can be blissfully cathartic. So go ahead, shed a few tears. But then lift your glass and toast to the future. Because the only guarantee in the sports world is that there is always next season.
Ask Pete
FROM THE JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2016 PURDUE ALUMNUS MAGAZINE
I loved seeing you on stage at the Country Music Association Awards. Can you share your experience in Nashville? I only wish Brad Paisley had included “Boilermakers” in his list of team names in the song!
A. What a night that was! I’m no stranger to the media, but this was my first opportunity to be interviewed on the red carpet, rubbing elbows with the biggest names in country music. Not to mention time spent hanging out with 42 other collegiate mascots, some of whom I hadn’t seen in a long, long time. I was whisked down to Nashville for the weekend where they put me up in star-studded fashion (my hotel room was on the top floor, so I’m calling it the penthouse). I even had a chance to see the sights, including the Country Music Hall of Fame, before the CMA live broadcast. Indiana’s own Clayton Anderson fist bumped me following our performance. And I ran into Carrie Underwood backstage! I blew her a kiss, but she pretended not to notice. Diss! Brad Paisley was great to work with and I was proud to represent Purdue in “Country Nation.” A lot of people just refer to it as “the mascot song.” How about that? Country music is a treasure trove of songs about hometown pride and camaraderie, themes that unite sports fans across the country every autumn weekend, be they Mountaineers, Volunteers, Blue Devils, Heels, or Rebels. As for Brad not mentioning Boilermakers in the lyrics, I guess he couldn’t find anything to rhyme with it. Rest assured, I did still make the final track. Brad promised me that I could play lead air guitar.
You look different today compared to 1967 when I graduated from Old Purdue. Do you ever long for your “old” look? Do you ever put on that outfit and wear it around the house, for memory’s sake, or to a reunion?
A. All right, all right. I admit to having some work done, but for 76 years old, I think I’ve held up pretty good over the decades. I’ve sported numerous looks over time, from bug eyes to square ears and grins to scowls. And a few times my makeovers were met with a less-than-enthusiastic response from fans. Which can really hit a guy hard, you know. It’s not like I grew a mullet or sported a Beiberesque coiff. It’s a hard balance to represent the “burly Boiler Makers of Purdue” as touted in the Crawfordsville Daily Argus in 1891 — tough as nails and strong as steel — while still being approachable enough for holding puppies and kissing babies (I swear I’m smiling on the inside). It’s enough to make me lose my head (and I have a couple of times)! Sure, I’m as wistful about days gone by as the next guy. But I’ve been donning my current guise for 25 years now, and though it’s fun to look back through my photo albums at that wide-headed, boxy-eared, rosy-cheeked, thickly side-burned Pete of the past, I know I can’t turn back time. My old look — that bulky noggin with the boyish grin — belongs in 1967 with groovy bell bottoms, plaid leisure suits, and suede jackets with beaded fringe.
Boxers, briefs, or commando?
A. That sounds like a personal question. Far be it from me to advise you on your choice of undergarments. But I’ve found that different occasions, activities, and weather conditions warrant different wardrobe choices, both outer and under.
What are your New Year’s resolutions?
A. Same as always — this will be the year I finally lose that freshman 15! Despite my less-than-stellar record of following through on New Year’s resolutions, when Old Father Time turns the clock on another year, I do like to take time to reflect on all that makes life grand and where the road may take me. Perhaps I’ll find a new hobby or learn a new language. I am getting a little long in the tooth, so one area of focus in the last quarter of my first century is exercise. I really could stand to improve my flexibility. Maybe I’ll take up yoga. I think I can manage warrior II, but that scorpion pose looks kinda tricky. Whatever your plans for 2016, I wish you good health and happiness.
Ask Pete
FROM THE MAY/JUNE 2016 PURDUE ALUMNUS MAGAZINE
I am attending several weddings this summer for fellow Boilermaker alumni. I’ve never been much of a suit guy, so I thought I’d wear my sports jerseys. My girlfriend thinks that would be exceedingly tacky. What say you?
A. I’d say that while your fashion sense is questionable, at least you have good taste in girlfriends. No one is a bigger proponent of jersey-wearing than me. I have a wardrobe stocked with my go-to garment. The benefits of performance sportswear are many, not the least of which are its moisture-wicking properties, rendering jerseys both breathable and comfortable. For a cool, breezy, carefree style, the baseball jersey reigns supreme. Slightly more stylish than other jersey cuts (the button-down front and rounded tail kicks it up a notch), it’s a smart choice with dark denim. Same goes with rugby or soccer shirts, which are as oft-seen as polo shirts and frequently worn without any connection to a particular team or athlete. Something along those lines would be perfectly at home at nuptials of the backyard picnic variety. Since your significant other is sounding the alarm bells, I’m going to assume you have your eye on a football jersey (basketball jerseys should not be worn in public by anyone over the age of 14 who’s not on the team). In today’s increasingly casual society, football fan gear — once relegated to stadiums and sports bars — has become much more commonplace. It’s not unusual to see a grown man in a football jersey walking the dog, performing yard maintenance, or generally galavanting around town, but there are limits. Just like no one wants to be remembered for their wacky dance moves that landed Great Aunt Ethel in the hospital or for upstaging the happy couple by orchestrating their own proposal mid-reception, no one wants to be remembered as the schlub who couldn’t be bothered to wear a shirt that requires ironing. Don’t be that guy. Spend a little dough on some nice duds for the wedding circuit, and save the jerseys for summer cookouts. And for Pete’s sake, wear an undershirt and don’t tuck!
How do you spend your summers?
A. Like many people, I’m looking forward to manning my grill; it’s my favorite part of summer. I’ll be attending a wedding or two myself — Hey! It pays the bills! — and, rest assured, I’ll be dressed to the nines. I’m also hoping to do a little traveling: the Smoky Mountains are lovely this time of year, and I do love to breathe in that crisp mountain air. I’m looking forward to spending some time at summer camp, where I’ll reunite with some of my mascot buds. Maybe I’ll even hit up a water park. I just have to be careful on the tube slides. #bigheadprobs
I graduated a few years ago and have yet to find a “real job,” according to my mother (whom I am still living with). I am working, and I contribute where I can, but right now I’m just enjoying the freedom and spontaneity that comes with less responsibility. How do I get her off my back?
A. I’m guessing that “contributing where you can” doesn’t mean paying for your fair share of rent and utilities, which would be in the neighborhood of $600 a month at least. Throw in groceries, laundry, and cleaning services and you’re likely falling short of offsetting your high-riding, basement-dwelling living expenses. It’s no wonder dear mama has grown tired of your freeloading. There’s no shame in moving back home until you get your footing in the professional world, if by graduating “a few years ago” you mean two and not 10. What you’re interpreting as incessant nagging is actually mama bird’s attempts to nudge you out of the nest. News flash! Parents are people, too! After shepherding you through the first 20+ years of your life, maybe she’s ready for some peace and quiet, maybe she’s ready to stop cooking and cleaning for someone else, maybe she’s itching to turn your bedroom into a craft room. Who knows? Well, she does. So sit her down and have a conversation. But come armed with a timeline of how long you plan to live at home, your plan for finding more lucrative employment, and a list of ways in which you intend to up your contributions to the household in the meantime.
The Ask Pete humor column ran from July 2015 to December 2016 (nine issues) in the Purdue Alumnus magazine.
Photo by Charles Jischke.
